The Day I Met The Man In My Head

I walked down Broughton St. with my hands in my pockets, numb from the winter chill. As the wind whipped my face the demons in my head whispered sweet nothings of not exactly ideal connotation in my ear. I was ignoring them again. It was always better not to give them the chance to upset me.
My neck tensed up. The twitching had started.
The man with the raspy voice began to speak again.
I'm talking to you, you fuck.
A quick retort, "I know you are..."
You failed her. You do realize that, don't you?
Twitch.
You told her you would never let anything happen to her. Where is she now?
Twitch.
Twitch.
I opened my eyes to an immediate realization that I was no longer walking. The violent spasms in my neck had cemented my feet to the ground underneath them. I stood still, in silence on the cracking sidewalk.
Twitch, jerk, shake.
People were beginning to stare.
I took a moment to collect myself.
I continued my walk towards Whitaker. There was a show at Melissa's and I was intent on pushing my way into the pit and putting a few scene kids on their asses. Maybe it was because they wanted me to. It could have been that I was just ready to not be so full of hate and disdain for this place and violence seemed like my only exit. I didn't want to be here, in this town, for another minute without her. She was my everything.
She was only putting up with your ass, kid.
"Stop."
She never really cared about...
"Stop!"
I realized I had been carrying on a conversation with someone that didn't exist out loud.
People were staring.
I jogged to the corner of Whitaker. Rob's red Tahoe was screaming towards me from down the street. The man in my head spoke again.
She died because of you. You should have protected her. You know you cant get rid of me without her. You know you cant live without her. Its over for you. So end it. Step into the street.
Rob was still hauling ass towards me
Step into the street, he said again. He was louder now, his tone of voice had changed.
Now.
Do it!
He was getting louder still and now there was the sounds of screams in my ears. Voices crying out in pain as if being burned by the very surface of the sun.
Do it now!
More screams.
I clapped my hands over my ears. My legs buckled but I never felt the impact of my kneecaps on the hard concrete.
The Tahoe sped by, suddenly there was silence.
I was on my knees, not to mention the verge of tears from the terror of the ordeal.
People looked away.
A voice.
My name is Atticus. I will be the end of you... and you will pay for the things you have done.
This is how I met the man in my head.

Back From Rock Bottom

I've got this shortcut to rock bottom that I don't want to use anymore.
You can have it if you'd like but I'm not sure what you'd use it for.
All of our friends will die when they turn twenty-one.

Answers In A Heartbeat

She plugs her ears to listen to her heartbeat, searching for answers in the slowly weakening rhythms that have no intention of coming.

She’s exhausted.

Exhausted from living.

Exhausted from dying.

Exhausted from waiting for an inevitable personal apocalypse.

Most of all she’s exhausted from the radiation, exhausted from the chemo.

But she never sheds a tear.

She harbors no fear, shows no anger, and has only love for this place.

This place…

This place so full of violence, so full of hate.

In this place where ulterior motives release the wheel, she remains the shining, solitary example of benevolence, of selflessness that reaches up from the passenger seat to guide the car back onto the asphalt of this life. The last of a dying breed.

And indeed, dying she was.

Once again I fall asleep with my head on her chest.

But this time is different. The rhythm is steadily rocking me into unconsciousness, a song without words…

Hand in hand we drift off to a place where the material doesn’t matter, the anger doesn’t matter, the sickness…

doesn’t matter.

The last thing I hear before the exhaustion takes us both is a whispered three words that have never meant more than they did at that moment, from those lips...

Sleep comes…

and there are no dreams.